(e.g., "You're stupid," too emotional," fat," insecure," always holding on to the past,"paranoid," crazy.") Within relationships of this type, their partners often feel inferior, worthless or 'less than.' Their mates are often kept off balance chasing after what they think will appease the disordered partner. For many involved with a psychopath, the disrespect immediately shifts into abuse and creates a traumatic relationship for their victim.I would argue that the will to become a better person and a better partner may be the most desirable asset anyone can bring to a marriage.Rather than experiencing a full and healthy range of emotions, a perfectionist often vacillates between two primary emotions—dread and relief.The roller-coastering pattern of dread and relief endlessly repeats itself in the life of a non-recovered perfectionist, and spouses and children are often the unhappy passengers of this not-so-thrilling ride.Lacking a deep and consistent source of self-esteem, failures hit especially hard for perfectionists, and may lead to long bouts of depression and withdrawal in some individuals.Further, perfectionist individuals are often hypersensitive to perceived rejection or possible evidence of failure, and there is a fundamental rigidity in the relentless stance of bracing for failure.
Over a period of time, we who love them can come to doubt our own world viewpoint, even our own sanity.
However, starting out as or striving to become the "perfect" partner is neither possible nor desirable.
In fact, strong perfectionist traits usually prevent healthy relationship formation.
It WAS NOT easy, but I was getting physically sick and I knew that if I did not take back control of my life, I would not be a good mom to my kids. Meanwhile I have gained another 3 pounds because milkshakes make it all better! Thankfully we did not have children together, but I had 2 boys from a previous marriage, and one lived with us, the other chose to stay with his dad.
I stayed because the thought of sharing custody with him scared the crap out of me. I had to start anti-depressants, my hubby takes his about twice a week "They cost too much, and I don't need them anyway".